It Takes A Village
/“It takes a village to raise a parent”
To the dad who fist bumped me as we passed each other stroller running, each with a sleeping kiddo, thank you ...
To my running "tribe", who answers all sorts of questions, at all hours of the day and night, and is always there for a good laugh, too, thank you ...
To my best friend of 30 years, whose son was born within days of Teddy, who I cried on the phone to those first few weeks (I don't even remember what it was about, but I know I needed it), thank you ...
To people who judged me for not breastfeeding, and those who didn't, you both made me stronger, thank you ...
To my mom friends who get us out of the house on days that I would otherwise play hobbit, thank you ...
To the friend who lets us barge into her house, good day or bad, thank you ...
To my Mother-in-Law who always tells me I am the world's best mom to the world's best kid, thank you ...
To Teddy's favorite people at Trader Joes, who play with him while I grocery shop, thank you ...
To the stranger parent at the playground who sees Teddy running at break-neck speed, laughing, and squealing, and says to me, "Is he yours? He seems like a lot of fun", thank you ...
Wow, you cannot grasp how hard being a parent is until you become one.
You don't know how much you don't know until you become a parent.
You also don't realize how much you will rely on everyone around you, friends and strangers alike.
In those early days of being pregnant I relied heavily on my friends with children to walk me through what I was going to need, what I was going to be doing. Trips to Buy Buy Baby and raiding their hand-me-down closets were my weekly to-dos.
When Teddy was a new baby it was texts and teary calls, "am I doing X right", "this hurts", "I'm scared", "there is so - much - poop". 2AM feeding texts of solidarity with my neighbor (whose daughter is 3 days younger than T) helped make the nights not so lonely.
I've learned you don't have to be part of an official mom's group to have a village. That being said, I do have a "village" that I surround myself with and count on and oh my they have become important to my life.
My village has grown out of my friends (some from long before kids), moms in our neighborhood who I have become friends with, and the moms of the local running "tribe". Knowing that there is always someone there to talk to has been a huge part of my sanity. Knowing that I can text any one of these women - and a a few men - and have a reassuring word, advice, or someone talk some sense into me, within short order.
i did it!
I have had friends walk me through breastfeeding and formula. I have had a friend (a childless friend mind you - that's a good friend!) come over for the sole purpose of showing me that I was fully capable of taking the baby in a stroller and two dogs for a walk at the same time. I have had friends walk me back from near hysterics after a long day of a no-napping-teething baby. I have had friends look at pictures of my kid's rash and tell me to head to the doctor, now!, or, meh give it a day and drink some wine, and they were right. I have had friends let me barge into their house, with a cranky 2 year old, me unshowered, plop on their floor and hang out.
I've become adept at picking moms up at the park and making new friends, because well, this stay at home mom thing is no joke. I am not shy about asking strangers at Target to help me grab a bag as I leave my cart and wrangle a toddler or to offer up advice on which brand of wipes to get to the mom staring blankly at the aisle. A trip to Trader Joes wouldn't be the same without Mel, Chantel, or Mr. Buzz playing with Teddy for a few so I can do just a bit on my own. A silent smile or head nod from a fellow parent while out signaling, "you are doing a great job" is like a caffeine jolt to my day.
Without these people in my life for the past two plus years, friends and strangers alike, I would not be the same mom I am today. I would not have the half the knowledge I have nor would I have the confidence in myself and my abilities that I do now. My hard days would be harder for sure.
I would not be the mother I am now if I were not surrounded by this village.
So while I am familiar with the African proverb "it takes a village," ever since becoming a parent I have thought maybe it should be rewritten ...
