Tales of the $400 Toilet

As anyone with a toddler can tell you, they are destructive little beings.  Give them a crayon and paper and they will find the nearest sofa.  Give them a cracker and they will find the nearest rug to grind it into.  

Recently, we experienced the true destructive power of our toddler when it comes to the bathroom and learned that for the bargain basement price of $400(ish) you too, can have an ongoing relationship with your plumber and get a new toilet.

The day started out like any other.  Teddy and I were getting ready to go outside and play, and I was putting on makeup, which often means holding him or giving him some of my brushes and makeup to play with on the floor while I get ready.  On this occasion I gave him a few makeup brushes and an empty compact and let him pretend to put on makeup.  As I was getting dressed he wandered away and I asked him to stay upstairs.  I didn't hear him go down the stairs so I didn't worry.  

Then I heard the lid to the toilet in our half bath open and Teddy start to giggle and say "twa twa" which is "trash, trash."  I quickly made it to the bathroom to find him tearing off wads of toilet paper and putting it in the toilet.  Ok, not as bad as it could have been.  Then I saw he was dipping his pacifier in the toilet and licking it.  Ok, that is bad.  Very bad.  

We discussed not playing with the toilet water, cleaned up the floor, and I picked him up.  I failed to notice the makeup brush still in his right hand, his throwing hand.  

As I leaned down to flush the toilet, Teddy started squirming.  You know that wiggle kids get that is impossible to contain?  I switched arms, and in that instant he chucked that makeup brush with the expert precision of a NBA point guard. 

It was like I was watching the movie The Matrix.  Everything moved in super slow motion.  I could see the brush turning end over end and making its way to the water as it spun around the toilet bowl.  Teddy had managed to throw the makeup brush in such a away that it did not touch one bit of the toilet bowl, it just went straight down the funnel of churning water and lodged itself somewhere in the curving bowels of the pipes.

Since then, we have had a plumber come and snake out the toilet.  My husband fished around for the brush to no avail with a family friend.  The toilet flushed for 2 days.  And then it backed up again.  We have plunged and plunged and plunged and snaked it ourselves.  

Today the plumber came, again, (in his big red truck much to Teddy's glee) removed the nonfunctional toilet and gave us a shiny, new toilet that flushes!!  

I don't know what our next "life lesson by Teddy" will be but I do know that he is not allowed anywhere near this toilet until he is at least 10 years old.