Boys Will Be Good Humans
/Boys Will Be Boys Good Humans
Not a choke hold, a "big big monkey hug" between bros
I have to admit, when we found out that we were having a boy I breathed a sigh of relief. Phew, this should be easier, I said to myself. No girl drama, no snarky, snippy teenage years (a la me), I don’t have to worry about how she’s dressing or who she’s dating …
I’ve come to realize that being a mom of a boy is just as hard, and a big, big, responsibility.
Teddy is a sweet, sweet, boy. One who loves hugging his buddies with such fervor that we have to intervene so he doesn't knock them to the ground, but one who also loves chucking his cars clear across the room or down the stairs. He will spend an hour playing by himself or cuddling and watching "Goldi and Bear" or he will ask for an hour of chase and flying (running and throwing him into the air).
He has a strong sense of empathy. If a friend at the playground is sad, he will tell us and ask to go give the friend a hug or a toy. Yet he is only 2.5 years old and if it isn't a good day he is not above yelling "MINE!" if someone comes too close to his trucks.
As I watch him grow and watch the world around him I have caught myself grasping for air at times. Hoping his sweet, kind, gentle, and all out fun nature is not marred by the poor behavior of adults I see in the news.
In this day and age where actors and politicians and media figures, men whom our sons would once have looked up to, are falling from grace for harassing and disrespecting women it is oh so important to teach our sons the strength of positive social behavior. Being a parent to a boy is a huge responsibility, it is our job to make sure our sons grow up to strong, kind, respectful, empathetic people and break this cycle of bad behavior.
It's not just male role models who are the issue for boys growing up these days. It is also the "boys will be boys" culture that has been cultivated over the decades. One that I remember watching as a girl and have seen as a mom.
“Boys will be boys” is a phrase I am not fond of hearing. I hear it too much at the playground, on TV, on t-shirts. I hear parents say it when their kid pushes mine to the ground, and I see this attitude reflected when a child is told to stop acting in a certain "girly" way. This phrase and attitude are a cop-out for poor, unruly, and unimpressive behavior or unnecessary pressure for conformist behavior.
Boys shouldn’t be given a pass on hitting, throwing, talking back, or any other “boy” behavior because they are a boy, and we shouldn't be enforcing it. Boys shouldn't be forced to play with certain things or act a certain way, either.
"Don't hit girls with your sword, go play with the boys" - how about, swords hit swords, not people.
"Oh he pulled your hair? That means he likes you!" - how about, it's not nice to pull hair.
"Boys don't play with dolls, give that back to your sister" - how about, I love seeing you play daddy.
"Oh it was only a little shove, boys do that all the time" - how about, we don't push.
"Stop crying, don't let your friends see" - how about, what is making you sad, it's OK, you can tell me.
This "boys will be boys" attitude has assisted in shaping generations of boys into young men with a sense of entitlement that allows them to act differently than, and towards, girls. This lesson of entitling one sex and disenfranchising the other is not one we can risk for another generation.
It seems that some people might be afraid of raising a boy that likes to hug more than hit, or share more than grab, for fear he won't be man enough in the future. I argue the most manly thing I have ever experienced is a man who is kind, caring and loving, not overly aggressive.
Killer "Boys will be good humans" shirt from www.freetobekids.com/ who makes all sorts of empowering kid's gear!
Removing this aggressive entitled behavior does not mean removing our boys' strength. It means making them even stronger than they ever have been. We can teach our boys to be strong and to stand up for themselves without having to physically push, pull or grab their way to the top. These boys will know how to use words to defuse situations and how to support others.
We can raise sweet boys who understand that it is ok to be sad, hurt, affectionate, caring, and full of feelings. We can raise open-hearted and open-minded boys that will be friends of the world. Our sons will discover that these traits make you a more well rounded person who is more likely to succeed, not a soft person with weaknesses and flaws.
These will be the boys that turn into the men who will snuggle with their sons, be behind their daughters as the strive to be and learn more, and not feel threatened by their wives' ambitions. These will be the boys that turn into the men who become surgeons and fighter pilots, judges and police officers, nurses and businessmen, teachers and lawyers, fathers and husbands.
They can do all of these things better than the generations before them if we work to take our responsibility as seriously as we should.
These boys, our boys, will be a change in the world. The change the world needs, the good humans.
